Scoring scale:1-5, with 5 being the next best thing to naked.

HE SAID: SCORE:5
"She really seems to love it, which starts a feedback loop of audible appreciation—the more she enjoys it, the better I go, so the more she enjoys it. Sheer enough so you think that you're the one making the difference."

SHE SAID: SCORE:5
"Feels very 'mmm.' Even though the ribs are on the bottom, I'm feeling a wonderful tickle at the top of my head. Fuller somehow. Wonderful."

HE SAID: SCORE:4.5
"Wow, excellent heat transference. Feels as thin as water, but couldn't they find a brighter shade of pink?"

SHE SAID: SCORE:4.5
"Mmm. So what's he want? Raiders colors? Feels great, looks cute."

HE SAID: SCORE:4
"It's thin enough to make you check that it's still on. But, as with the Pleasure Mesh, I was unaware of any guy-side benefit to the rubber rumble strips."

SHE SAID: SCORE:4.5
"One of the easiest-unrolling condoms we tested. And once on the job, the ribs added a subtle but welcome backbeat."

HE SAID: SCORE:3
"Nicely lubed, so it goes on and in easily, but after a while, felt like a wet suit. Yanked it off in midswim. And as for the pleasure mesh, if there was any on my side, I couldn't feel it."

SHE SAID: SCORE:4.5
"Made me say, 'Ah!' Sleek lines and plentiful lube made for a quick slide to the plate, and the mesh provided a nice thrumming massage."

HE SAID: SCORE:4
"Feels as if you've been shallacked with vibrating armor, which provides a nice psychological boost but no special physical benefit."

SHE SAID: SCORE:3
"Feels weird, and kind of distracting. Sort of like sliding down stairs on your butt."

HE SAID: SCORE:2.5
"If there's anything special going on, it's all on her side. Feels a little thick to me."

SHE SAID: SCORE:2.5
"'Twisted' is right. Feels like I sat on a slinky. The spirals might be too far apart; it feels as if there's a 30-second delay after each one. Could be pleasurable, I guess."

HE SAID: SCORE:1
"Expose it to light before or after it's on? Just to be safe, I tried both, meaning I stood in the bathroom looking at my watch, while the big hand rapidly became the little hand."

SHE SAID: SCORE:1
"What the hell is he doing in the bathroom?"

HE SAID: SCORE:1
"Not that oral sex has ever been an issue, but it's nice feeling like you're making it a treat. Until..."

SHE SAID: SCORE:1
"Ugh. The first taste was surprisingly authentic, but within seconds, it turned into a nauseating mix of tropical and auto-shop flavors. Like someone slipped a tire patch into your fruit salad."